10 Secrets Of Long Distance Relationships

There has never been a time when long distance relationships have been so prevalent, and so accessible. We travel, we go to college, we get summer jobs in different cities. We meet people we fall in love with, then move apart. But rather than seeing physical difference as a deterrent, we view it as an obstacle. We’ve adapted, trading in love letters and tortured hours waiting for the phone to ring for constant transatlantic messaging, face-timing, and plane tickets. LDRs are so much more common, and so much easier, than they’ve ever been before. And yet they’re still difficult, and people still don’t really talk about them. We feel ashamed to admit that we spent three hours last night video chatting, while our friends brag about an expensive dinner out with their significant other. We pretend that it’s always fine, that we hardly ever miss each other, just so we don’t have to listen to another lecture on how LDRs never work and are doomed to fail. So there are a lot of things that us LDR-ers just don’t talk about. But we SHOULD talk about them, because they’re a part of our daily lives and they’re nothing to be ashamed of. We should be proud of being strong enough to survive being apart from people we love. Let’s start sharing our experiences, and being seriously honest about what long distance love actually entails. Here’s a start, with 10 things that no one will tell you about being in a long distance relationship: 1. You’re going to be BROKE. Plane tickets. Posting excessive gifts to make up for the time apart. Blowing all your money when you finally see each other, just to make up for lost time. You thought you’d save money from fewer dates. You were so, so wrong. 2. Your laptop is your real significant other. It doesn’t matter how much you disliked texting before, or if you weren’t a fan of Facebook, because being in an LDR means you are suddenly a little too dependent on all forms of technology and internet-related activities. You will fall asleep cradling your laptop, and experience minor anxiety at the thought of being away from your phone. You will quickly become one of those girls you always rolled your eyes at, constantly attached to some kind of screen, because you have NOTHING ELSE. 3. But you’ll also become an expert on the latest messaging/calling apps. This one particularly applies for my relationship-across-countries homies, because being in an LDR means you are up to date on everything from Viber to Avocado. You lament the poor connectivity of Viber, and pray that one day Facetime won’t drain your data plan. Every new app that promises better messaging, cooler functionality, and anything to help you communicate with your significant other will be downloaded in seconds. But a few days later you’ll probably just revert back to Whatsapp. 4. You might become a bit of a slob. Sorry, but if you’re the type of person who dresses up to attract the opposite s*x, get prepared for sweatpant city. Your boyfriend/girlfriend can’t see you, you’re not out to get laid, and you’ll slowly stop giving a crap about what you look like. Until Skype time. Then it’s sweatpants on the bottom, make-up and cute tee up top. 5. Sometimes, being apart from your significant other is AWESOME. Never feel bad for enjoying alone time. If you’re in an LDR, you get the independence of being single with the comfort of a relationship. No-one mentions the fact that the alone time that comes as part of an LDR can actually be really fun. You can go to the gym, you can go out, you can spend hours watching TV. Yes, obviously, you can still do those things if your BF/GF is in the vicinity, but you might have to check in first, or you may feel bad about saying no to hanging out. Being in an LDR means you always have space whenever you need it. SCORE. 6. Arguments suck. When you’re physically together during an argument, things pretty much have to get resolved. When you’re in an LDR, however, you can drag that stuff out for DAYS. You can ignore texts and refuse to video chat. You can go to bed angry and stew in your rage and it can be SO hard to sort things out. 7. You often feel like you’re missing out. Not missing out on the s*x and all that jazz, but missing out on the food, and the movies, and all the fun activities couples do together. That new restaurant you’re dying to try? Nope, not until your significant other gets a train/plane ticket. LDRs mean no go-to dinner/movie/gallery partner. Damnit. 8. You’ll become a LOT more open-minded when it comes to relationships. You’ll realize that relationships aren’t so black and white, and won’t be able to criticise your friends’ dating choices so harshly, because you’re suddenly very aware that your choices are completely irrational and impractical. But you do it for love. Aww. You’ll also have to open yourself up to new things you never thought you’d do. *cough* Sexy skype times *cough* 9. Reunions are often awkward. And it’s always SO frustrating, because you love each other and there’s never any weird pauses over the phone. But no matter what you do, the first half an hour or so of reuniting after a long period apart feels so weird and stilted. It’s okay, it will pass. Still so weird though. 10. You will go through the most intense highs and lows. You will love them more intensely than you thought possible, you will miss them to a point you never thought you could endure. You will cry tears of happiness when you see them at the airport, then cry all the way home when you leave. LDRs are whirlwinds of emotions. They’re wonderful and horrible and we all know that rationally, they’re not the best idea. But we do them anyway, because love makes us crazy and crazy feels good sometimes. And sometimes, it all works out okay. Better than okay, actually. No-one ever seems to mention the LDRs that actually last, but honestly, they do exist.

How to make your marriage to last long

He who finds a good wife finds a good thing, but beyond the success of making a good choice of a partner, a study has shown that there are other factors that are instrumental to having a lasting union and marital bliss. According to the study, one of the keys to a long-lasting marriage, successful or harmonious marital union, is for the wife to be happy. According to the study, the more content the wife is with the marriage, the happier the husband would be, which would improve his well being and general health. The study, published in the Journal of Marriage and Family on September 2, 2014 found that when it comes to harmonious marital union, the woman’s happiness is more crucial than the husband’s in maintaining marital bliss and in the health of the relationship. Above and beyond the key role women play in the home, such as raising the children and supporting the husband, their well being, happiness and joy could determine how enjoyable and lasting the marriage would be. The study, led by a Professor and Chair in the Department of Sociology, Rutgers University, United States, Dr. Deborah Carr, advised that men who are unhappy in their marriage should avoid being selfish and focus on their wives’ happiness. The study emphasises that the key to marital bliss is all about women’s feelings, and the happier they are in the marriage, the better. The researchers studied about 400 couples in which at least one of the partners was over the age of 60 years old and had been married for 39 years on the average. The couples were given surveys to assess the quality of their marriage. The researchers also assessed the quality of feelings that they held towards one another by asking a series of questions such as, if they felt their spouse genuinely appreciated them, how often they argued and if they felt their spouses respected their opinion or point of view. The participants were also asked to write a diary, which detailed the last 24 hours that they had spent with their spouse, and to assess their own feelings of happiness during shared activities like shopping, chores and watching TV. Carr and her colleagues found that in general, the couples that were used in the study reported very high levels of life satisfaction, which led the researchers to conclude that long and happy marriages had some link with high levels of life satisfaction. For married men, how highly their wives rate the marriage affects their overall happiness. There was also a trend seen with the levels of life satisfaction reported from both partners and the happiness of the wife. The couples in which the female partner reported higher levels of overall happiness reported greater life satisfaction on both sides. Carr explained that when a woman is happy, she tends to naturally want to do more for her husband, which in turn makes him happy too. She explained that for both spouses, being in a better-rated marriage was linked to greater life satisfaction and happiness and that the study is important because the quality of a marriage can affect the health and wellbeing of older people as they continue to age. The researchers also suggested that when women are unhappy, they tend to be more vocal about their unhappiness than men are. When a woman is unhappy, therefore, her husband may also feel so due to her disposition. While previous studies have shown that happiness has an important role in a people’s general health and wellbeing, a study from the University of Wisconsin-Madison reported that depression was more common in people who remain in stressful marriage situations. In addition, this new study showed that the key to a happy marriage and a happy life might just be to make the wife happy. “The quality of a marriage is important because it provides a buffer against the health-depleting effects of later life stressors and helps couples manage difficult decisions regarding health and medical decision making, hence, the quality of a marriage can affect the health of older people as they age,” Carr explained. The researchers said the study is particularly important because health and wellbeing can be impacted by marriage quality and that how happy a woman believes her marriage is has a direct impact on the quality of her husband’s life, regardless of how he feels about their nuptials. In other words, happily married women are also more likely to boost their husband’s ego by praising him and less likely to give him the kind of tongue-lashing abuses associated with families with marital problems. According to 100weddingtips.com, the secrets to a happy marriage include effective heart-to-heart communication to understand each other’s needs and happiness, being a good listener, laughter, good humour, honesty, which involves clarity of feelings and intentions, showing love, affection, respect, and equality, which involves sharing house work, etc. Reacting to the study, a consultant psychologist, Prof. Toba Elegbeleye, said making each other happy in a marriage should be mutual and not one sided. He added that when every other thing is okay, there is the possibility that a little effort would allow for happiness and that it may not be entirely correct for somebody to make initiating and complementing happiness in another person’s lives his sole duty. He said, “I think it’s mutual in the sense that when one initiates it, the other person complements it, it’s not necessary that one person has to initiate it at all times,” he added. “There are other things in a marriage that make for happiness beyond the conscious efforts of the husband to initiate happiness, such as, if the woman becomes pregnant and delivers at the right time without any problem, if the social standing of the couple in their mini-society is quite good and they have financial surplus, the happiness is guaranteed. But when most of these ancillary perquisites are not there, how can a poor husband make his wife happy.” He explained further that men tend to be less vocal if they don’t have happiness in their marriage unlike women who tend to show theirs. “It could be seen as a sign of weakness and failure for the man if he shares such, not forgetting that he has several social outlets, unlike women for whom it’s quite unusual to go to bars or pubs to make up for a bad marriage, hence, they tend to seek approval and sympathy from other people so as to find an outlet for their emotion. “So, for men, rather than go to meet other colleagues of theirs to start telling them about the problem in their marriage, they might take solace in drinking, going to social club or womanising,” he said

9 Signs You’re In The Right Relationship

#1: You love and appreciate each other. Love is, of course, the essential ingredient in any happy, romantic relationship so it’s no shocker that it nabbed the number one slot. But its occasionally forgotten sidekick—appreciation—is one of the key factors that keeps love alive. The small acts of kindness—the thank you’s, making an extra cup of coffee for your partner—these little things go a really long way. #2: You openly share your thoughts and feelings. In a healthy relationship, you can open up and share how you feel without your partner mocking you, rolling his eyes at you or ignoring you. It’s really important to be able to articulate if something is bothering you—whether it’s about your own personal stuff or if your partner is doing something that’s upsetting you. Having open communication and constructive criticism is an opportunity for you both to take a look at yourselves and grow and change. #3: You make decisions together and share the burden of responsibilities. From paying the bills to taking out the trash to picking up holiday cards, healthy couples tackle their daily “to-do” list as a team to keep their relationship and household humming along. That doesn’t necessarily mean you have to divvy up chores even-steven, but rather it’s important to chat about expectations and decide together who should do what to eliminate frustration (“You didn’t take out the trash!”). #4: You strive to resolve conflict constructively. Rather than going for low blows or having an explosive fight, stable partnerships are able to navigate those tricky relationship time bombs, such as where to spend the holidays, with respect and a focus on finding solutions you’re both satisfied with. #6: Your goals and values are in sync. Whether it’s the fact that you and your partner both want two kids, or you’re on the same page with religion, having shared values and goals helps keep a couple connected and heading the same direction. #7: You make spending quality time together a priority. Bonded couples are happy with the amount of time they spend together and find activities they can enjoy together. “When couples come to me because infidelity is involved and their connection fell apart, it can be because they’ve stopped spending time together and having fun together. So do activities—go to the gym together, ride bikes, spend time with friends, travel and have new experiences. It’s bonding. #8: You’re satisfied with your social life as a couple. Whether you’re both the life of the party, total homebodies, or one of each, happy couples are cool with what each partner brings to the table socially, rather than trying to change the other person into someone they’re not. #9: You feel a sense of freedom. Stable couples express their opinions freely and don’t feel suffocated or held back by the relationship in any way. “The relationship shouldn’t feel like a burden, like it’s sucking life out of you, but rather that it’s breathing life into you

How To Be The Best She Ever Had

Guys, do you know how cool it would be to see your ex girlfriend years after y’all have dated and have a smirk forming on your face simply because you know deep down that you are the best she has ever had in and out of the bedroom? Do you know what that does to your ego? How it adds extra stars to your super dating powers? How it gives you yet another trophy for being the best boyfriend ever walketh? Just in case you have never felt that way and you would not mind feeling that way, here are ways to be that guy. BE A GOOD KISSER *cue in Usher’s Good Kisser* Do it so well and let her know, don’t nobody kiss it like you bang bang bang! Give her orgasms from kissing if possible. Own those lips forever that even when she’s gone and she’s officially kissing another brother, your name is what pops up in her mind while she’s kissing him. Yeah, dat kain tin. GIVE HER SEXUAL HEALING *cue in Marvin Gaye’s Sexual Healing* Touch that body like it has never been touched, leave your name on the lips like you want to leave your name on the sands of time. Own that P forever and give her a permanent soundtrack. Let your face be what pops up in your mind whenever she hears the word “Daddy (cos you her daddy), ” give her the good loving that can never be rivaled. Let’s see if she won’t be thanking the supernatural beings for your D and doing the anniversary of your break up years after y’all are over. BE MORE ROMANTIC THAN ALL YOUR FOREFATHERS (AND EVERY OTHER PERSON’S FOREFATHER) *cue in Neyo’s One in a million* Let her feel like a million bucks when she is with you. Love her, respect her and let other women envy her. Surprise her with gifts, love her like she has never been loved and always be there for her. Do things that will make her want to stick with you forever and let her know if you have your way, you will never let her go. HAND HER YOUR MUMU BUTTON *Cue in all of Drake’s music* Hand her your mumu button, let her know she has the whole of you and you would move mountains for her, all she has to do is ask for it. Let’s see if her next can beat this. LET HER KNOW ITS EITHER HER OR NOBODY ELSE *cue in Timi Dakolo’s Iyawo Mi* Show her your future, with the bright lights and the colours that make the rainbow seem dim. Then plant her in it and let her know it is her or nobody else. Build your world around her and let her know she owns it and you would not share all those things with anybody else. HELP HER FIND HER I still remember my recent ex who believed so much in me he helped me see how big I could become and how much he was ready to push me to achieve my dreams. He would buy books, tell me it would be fine when he seemed like I would never realize my dreams and help me through the hardest days. We’ve been exes for two years now but I still remember him. I have breakthroughs in my career now and I know deep down that if we were on speaking terms, he would be the first person I would call to share the news with. When you help a woman find her, hold her hands through the hardest times and be the man who believes in her dreams, I don’t see her forgetting you. These things should be what you should do for every woman you care deeply about, not because you want them to move on and always want to run back to you, but because it is the right thing to do. But hey, who says you can’t do a little for the ego too sometimes?

Tips for Starting Your Marriage Off the Right Way

While being a newly wed can be the most blissful time in your blossoming partnership, every couple must make sure they start off on the right foot to ensure a continual, prosperous relationship. In order to effective merge your lives together, it requires a collaborative effort of planning and organizing of each other’s ideals and future plans either before or right after the wedding day. Below are some tips to help make sure your marriage starts and continues in the right direction. Setting Expectations Create a list of visions and aspirations you both wish to achieve at the beginning of your marriage, and refer back to them regularly to make sure you are both on track. Of course with life’s propensity of throwing unexpected curve balls, this may require some alterations along the way. However, establishing individual and joined expectations can set up a working roadmap eventually leading to the end goal you both have in mind. Good Communication One of the best assets a couple can have is strong communication. This means that you must always “hear” what the other person has to say without any type of defensive wall built up. Equally as important, always refrain from bottling up emotions and masking your feelings from one another. This will only create friction in the marriage, and could lead to an explosive argument in the future. If you are not sure what type of communication pattern you and your partner already have, head to Dr. Phil’s website and take a quick quiz that can outline this for you! It’s important to identify weak and strong spots in your communication early on so you can work towards fixing these problems. Organizing Your Finances Perhaps the biggest stress factor for newlywed couples stems from finances. Once you decide that you want to share a life with someone, it is crucial to let all the skeletons out of the closet. This means fessing up to any money spending habits, or compromising your overly frugal ways. Make sure your partner knows about all your financial transgressions before you decide to link bank accounts. To safeguard economical security, try saving money anywhere you can. This can begin with your wedding by opting for cheaper alternatives, like a David’s Bridal wedding dress rather than an Oscar de la Renta original. Date Each Other As you move further and further away from your honeymoon stage, always work hard to keep the romance intact. While everyone’s schedule is busy, make it a priority to set aside mandatory quality time for just the two of you. Couples who treat each date like before they were married during their courtship will always feel like their relationship is fresh, new and exciting. Running out of a date ideas? Websites like Living Social and Groupon have a plethora of discounted meals, services and activities that you and your partner can try out! It’s a great way to try something new and exciting without spending a fortune.